A Guide to writing Sex Addiction
Okay, here’s the thing boys and girls. I don’t have a sex addiction. I am not claiming to have any first hand knowledge, but I have done quite a bit of research. I think it is important to note that while sex addiction might sound like a great time, it actually really blows. Sometimes literally. So, if you want to just write a character who has sex addiction because you are really into writing smut (always remember to use lube), that might not be the best idea or approach to get what you want. Plenty of people have lots of healthy sex all the time. Someone with sex addiction…well, it’s an addiction. No, I am not just saying that to be an asshole or something. It’s true. Drug users need their drug of choice and sex addicts need sex. Alright, so you’ve read this far and you still want to write a character who has a sex addiction and not just because you like to use words like rim job and labia, but because you want to do something accurate. So press on, friend. Press on.
The term “sexual addiction” is used to describe the behavior of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict’s thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships.
- Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation)
- Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs)
- Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands
- Consistent use of pornography
- Unsafe sex
- Phone or computer sex (cybersex)
- Prostitution or use of prostitutes
- Obsessive dating through personal ads
- Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking
- Sexual harassment
Honestly, it is probably going to be a combination of a lot of these things. Your character probably isn’t just going to masturbate 24/7. They will masturbate and watch porn and also have a lot of unprotected sex. That is an example. Any combination of any of those is realistic.
Now, here is an important part. Generally, a person who is a sex addict does not gain a lot of pleasure from these acts. They also don’t form a bond with their sexual partner(s). Are you having a moment of enlightenment? Probably not, so let me break this down further for you. They act on these compulsions because they aren’t getting enough satisfaction, so they have to do it as much as they can as often as they can. The riskier the behavior, the more of a release they get. Coupled with that and this is really fucking important, they have a lot of shame and guilt. Maybe it isn’t all the time and maybe it is. Little by little, a sex addict begins to lose control over their behavior, not just sex wise, but in every aspect of their life.
Like any addiction, the first step is actually admitting you have a problem or rather, your character. You don’t need to reach this part quickly. It might take months or years for your character to realize their life is in complete shambles because of this addiction. It will probably take a pretty significant event to help them realize: loss of a job, ending of a relationship, ending up with a sexually transmitted disease, etc.
Treatment of sexual addiction focuses on controlling the addictive behavior and helping the person develop a healthy sexuality. Treatment includes education about healthy sexuality, individual counseling, and marital and/or family therapy. Support groups and 12 step recovery programs for people with sexual addictions (like Sex Addicts Anonymous) also are available. In some cases, medications used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder may be used to curb the compulsive nature of the sex addiction. These drugs could include Prozac and Anafranil.
Basically, treatment is to help your character figure out the difference between healthy sex and destructive behaviors. Also during this time, they are going to have to work on their head space. All that shame and guilt is going to have to be dealt with. Also, you should think about what started them out. Why did they even get this addiction? What past life trauma or event lead them here? Figure that out before hand, so you can write how your character is coming to terms with all of it. Also note, sex addicts usually ban themselves from having sex for usually around three to six months. It’s basically until they can figure out what is right and healthy.
Sex Addicts Anonymous (if you want to do more research on the recovery end of it. This is their official website. I am not a big fan of the color scheme, but maybe you will like it. Besides, it isn’t about that. It’s about learning and information, you shallow bastards.)
I’m pretty much going to end everything here. This is my first guide and this is my asterisk I don’t claim to be an expert. I don’t claim to know much about anything, but I did my best to gather information and give it to you in an easy way to read, while also being an asshole at the same time. If you have any other questions, my inbox is open. I hope they helps in any way. That would be pretty awesome.